“Welcome back, Canada, to TSN’s continuing coverage of the 2013 NHL entry draft. I’m Gord Miller, and after 13 rounds of this, even I’m running out of droll things to day. But, we are committed to covering every round of the draft, so we’ll be here until the custodial staff here at the Prudential Center in Newark, New Jersey kick us out. There are approximately — no, I’m sorry, that should be exactly, since I can count them — 17 people left in the arena, and frankly, I’d like to go home. But we still have some drafting to do, so who’s next, Bob McKenzie?”

“Well, Gord, the Florida Panthers are next, and we are hearing now that they have chosen 12-year-old Arvo Selanne from  a Finnish community league team.”

“Wow, Bob, they’re really hitting rock bottom here.”

“Not really, Gord. Arvo is a cousin of Teemu Selanne, the most successful Finnish player in history, and clearly the Panthers are hoping lightning will strike twice — even 30 years apart. Arvo is a real prospect, and clearly the Panthers are hoping he will be able to step into the lineup when the contracts of their existing players expire in 2020. It’s a move for the future, if indeed there is a Florida Panthers team in 2020, or even a Florida.”

“What do you think, Pierre McGuire?”

“Terrible choice, guys, just terrible. I hear his compete level is lacking, and that his father often sends him to bed early after slacking off at practice. The Panthers do not need an attitude problem on their team.”

“Well, I can’t imagine we can go any lower than this. Who’s next, Bob?”

“The New Jersey Devils are up with their 13th pick, but it appears there is nobody at the Devil’s table except some drunken fans. Let’s here what they have to say.”

“WOOOOO, JERSEY! DEVILS ROCK, BABY! The Devils are picking my little cousin Tony! WOOO, Tony!”

“OK, guys, let’s just ignore this.”

“Hang on, Gord. I think the Tony they’re referring to is Tony Lo Bianco, an eight-year-old who is currently tearing up the Hoboken Goombahs. I hear good things about Tony, and those two drunken idiots might just have made a great choice.”

“Good God, Bob. Is there anything you don’t know about any hockey player anywhere?”

“No there isn’t, Gord.”

“Now, we have something interesting happening here. The stick boy for the Minnesota Wild, the only guy left at their table, has just approached Bob McKenzie and asked him for an opinion… they’re conferring now, and now let’s go to the Minnesota stick boy for their 13th choice.”

“The Minnesota Wild chose Mumbasso Isi-Amin, from the Ugandan Elite League.”

“Seriously, Bob? So, what do you think of that choice, Pierre McGuire.”

“Fantastic choice, Gord. This is a huge breakthrough for the Ugandan league. It’s a hard hitting league, lots of great prospects there.”

“Bob, can you explain your choice?”

“Yes I can, Gord. There is no Ugandan league, and nobody named Mumbasso Isi-Amin. I just made it up to see if I could make Pierre McGuire make an even bigger ass of himself than usual. Mission accomplished”

“Good one, Bob. Next choice belongs to the Edmonton Oilers, and … there is nobody at their table. In fact, there is nobody left at any table anywhere. I believe the lights are being turned out now, so I guess that officially ends the TSN marathon coverage of the NHL entry draft. Any final thoughts, Bob?

“Yes, many. But even I’m bored by this.”

“Didn’t think that was possible, Bob.”


One thought on “TSN NHL draft coverage preview … round 13.

  1. I watched that too on Sunday. I was waiting if the Oilers would trade their 512th overall pick for Columbus’ 524th, 587th, and their 310th pick in 2014.

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