By now, even if you’re not a tennis fan, or a sports fan, or even an oscillating fan (sorry, terrible joke; it’s hot in my house and I just happened to look up at a fan), you’ve probably heard of Eugenie Bouchard.

In case you haven’t, here’s the scoop: Eugenie Bouchard is a tennis player. And not just any tennis player, but perhaps the next face of women’s professional tennis. And yes, I know she was destroyed in the Wimbledon final by somebody whose name I’ve already forgotten, but still — she’s the new It Girl of tennis.

Eugenie Bouchard, the all-Canadian girl.
Eugenie Bouchard, the all-Canadian girl.

Oh, and she’s Canadian. And not just Canadian, but almost perfectly Canadian. She’s so Canadian, I’m a little suspicious that she’s might actually be the creation of a Canadian unity agency. The only thing that prevents me from entirely buying into my theory that Eugenie Bouchard is a creation of a government agency is that there is no way any Canadian government agency could do anything this competent.

I mean, take a look at her. Could she be more perfect? She’s unquestionably attractive, but not in an unattainable, supermodel/skank sort of way. I can’t imagine that there would be too many red-blooded, straight Canadian males who wouldn’t want to take this girl home to meet mother. She’s practically the definition of the word wholesome. If they still ran those ‘Got Milk?” ads, she’d be a natural.

It’s not enough, however, just to be good looking, even in women’s tennis. You have to be good at the game as well, and amazingly she’s really, really good. She plays an aggressive game, none of that pitty-pat women’s tennis stuff. Better yet, she doesn’t do any of those sub-human grunting sounds that so many women tennis players seem to think they need to do.  (Why is that legal?)

Then there’s her background. She’s from Quebec, so Quebecers can claim her as their own. However, her first language is English, so English Canada can get fully behind her as well. The only blemish on the Bouchard resume is that her French is apparently quite English-accented, which makes some Quebec nationalists grumpy. But nobody cares about them; her French is good enough that she appeared on the hugely popular Radio Canada program Tout le Monde en Parle, and did fine.

So she’s young, attractive but attainable, a formidable talent, and has one foot in each of the founding cultures; she was even named after a member of the royal family! But is she a jerk? Arrogant? Self-centered? A party girl?

No, no, no and no. Eugenie is articulate and thoughtful. No signs of out-of-control ego. So far, so perfect.

Maria Sharapova, off the court. Way off the court.
Maria Sharapova, off the court. Way off the court.

Ah, but she’s young yet. So many temptations, so much time to indulge. Let us hope, no matter how much you might want to see it, that Eugenie Bouchard never poses in a bikini, a la the current hottie of tennis, Maria Sharapova (left, just in case you didn’t notice). Not that there’s anything wrong with a ridiculously gorgeous woman posing in a bikini (or less). And I’m sure Miss Bouchard would look just fine in swimwear. But I hope she doesn’t go the whole Sharapova route.

I mean, c’mon … she’s CANADIAN. I could understand if she posed in a Montreal Canadiens sweater, or even a nice plaid shirt, maybe sipping a double-double at Tim’s. But please, Eugenie, stay just the way you are. A nice Canadian girl.


One thought on “Is Eugenie Bouchard for real?

  1. It’s even better than that Maurice. Genie is a leader on the Canadian tennis team, with a great record playing for her country. Thanks for an entertaining column.

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