The Return of Stuff Happens, week 24: Enough Canada already … eh?

I am now, officially, Canada’d out.

Canada celebrated the 150th anniversary of Confederation on Saturday with an orgy of government-sponsored patriotism. Now, I’m as patriotic as the next person, but I feel like I’ve OD’d in the most Canadian way … on maple syrup.

Even that joke is too Canadian for me today. Sorry.

Oops, there’s another one. The ‘sorry’ trope. Sick of that one, too, and I’m not sorry I wrote that. Oh, and the headline of this blog, with the ‘eh?’ reference? Can we just lay that one to rest today? I can go days, weeks, or months without ever hearing anyone say ‘eh’.  It’s kinda sad, and at least partially true, that can’t we find something a little more distinctive that whatever the hell ‘eh?’ is? And nobody says ‘aboot’, Ever.

And the maple leaf? I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen a maple tree. I just looked up a publication online called the Guide to Common Native Trees and Shrubs of Alberta, and maples weren’t even on the list.

Tolerant? Don’t want to hear that word for a while. Inclusive? Sick of it.

Now that it’s over, can we go back to being modest and self-effacing? It looks so much better on us.

For a different take, one I wrote before I overdosed on Canadiana, feel free to read my column in Prime Times, the monthly newspaper for seniors that I edit.

I try to be a good person, and look what happens

Have you heard of the Canada Revenue Agency scam? Here’s the way it goes.

You get a phone call from someone who claims to be an agent of the Canada Revenue Agency. The “agent” tells you, in no uncertain terms, that you have an outstanding tax balance that absolutely MUST be paid immediately, or there will be dire consequences. It’s all a scam, of course, to sucker unsuspecting (often elderly) people out of their money. The last time this scam was run, it was found to have originated out of a call centre in India, and a lot of people were arrested, and the calls stopped.

Well, it’s back. I got a recorded message this week, which is promptly hung up on. Then I got another call, but this one was left a recorded message from “Officer Craig Williamson” (I think, ‘Craig’s accent was very weird for a guy named ‘Craig Williamson’) threatening me with dire circumstances if I didn’t return his call.  Incredibly, ‘Crais’ left a number for me to call. Ha! Got you, you slimy bastard. So I went online to find the number to the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre. I called the number (1-888-495-8501) … and the phone service was out of order.

Out of order? What kind of phone service is out of order in the 21st century? So, I thought I would go to their online service and write a complaint. Not so fast. I needed a GC Key number, whatever that is. I had to create an account, which I tried to do, but the user name and password restrictions were so needlessly complex, I gave up in frustration.

Well done, Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre! And keep up the scum sucking work, ‘Officer Craig’.

The bar is now on the ground

So, what was The Donald up to this week?

The tweeting twit president took aim at the hosts of an MSNBC morning news show, Morning Joe, in a twitter attack that was so person and abusive, even members of his own party were shocked and literally begging for him to stop.

Writing about hosts hosts Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough, Trump tweeted: “I heard poorly rated Morning Joe speaks badly of me (don’t watch anymore). Then how come low I.Q. Crazy Mika, along with Psycho Joe, came..to Mar-a-Lago 3 nights in a row around New Year’s Eve, and insisted on joining me. She was bleeding badly from a face-lift. I said no!”

Good lord.  A Republican representative, Adam Kinzinger of Illinois told CNN’s “New Day” Friday “that’s a tweet that’s not even becoming of a city councilman.”

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The New York Daily New front page from Friday. Perfect.

This is beneath the dignity of a president, even from a president who would have to look up the word dignity in a dictionary.

On Saturday, Trump came close to apologizing. See if you can spot the apology.

“Crazy Joe Scarborough and dumb as a rock Mika are not bad people, but their low rated show is dominated by their NBC bosses. Too bad!”

See the apology? They are “not bad people”. Just crazy and dumb as a rock… but not bad people. Just the way all Mexicans are rapists and drug dealers, but “some” are good people.

Trump wasn’t done yet. On Sunday, he posted a 28 second video using footage from his appearance on Wrestlemania with the CNN logo superimposed on Vince McMahon’s head, slamming McMahon/CNN to the ground. Wait, there’s more. The video was apparently created by a Reddit user named (ready?) HanAssholeSolo. This story resulted in one of the funniest lines I’ve read in a long time, from the Daily Beast website: “HanAssholeSolo did not immediately respond to a request for comment.”

Can you take one more bit of Trump? On Saturday, he met with Buzz Aldrin, the second man in the moon, for some sort of signing ceremony. The official transcript of the comments — and this is true — went like this.

ALDRIN: Infinity and beyond. (Laughter)

THE PRESIDENT: This is infinity here. It could be infinity. We really don’t know. But it could be. It has to be something — but it could be infinity, right? Okay. (Applause)

So long, Peter Mansbridge

Peter Mansbridge, anchor of the CBC’s creatively titled national newscast, The National, has retired. He got quite a lot of media coverage, most of it laudatory and deserved. Mansbridge has been good at his job for a long time … but does anybody really care about The National any more?

The National is in terrible shape. A formless blob, populated by barely competent reporters and talking heads. It still gets an average audience of about a million, but it trails the equally terrible CTV National News by a wide margin.  My guess is the audience for both broadcasts is made up of people over 60 getting ready for bed.

Still, the CBC must continue with The National, and it has already announced that it will have THREE anchors. Why three? Well … diversity? Inclusion? Yep, those word again.

So, who will anchor The National? We don’t know yet, but it’s certainly NOT going to be a white male. Ian Hanomansing is, I think, almost a lock. He’s very good at his job, and an immigrant (born in Trinidad and Tobago). After that, my guess is two women. One will be a woman of colour (the perfect candidate would be an indigenous woman). If they can do it, the CBC would love to have a transgender woman … that would cover all the inclusion bases quite nicely.

RIP

Dave Semenko, 59, who, as an Edmonton Oiler, made sure that NOBODY laid a glove on Wayne Gretzky. He was an enforcer who rarely fought, so fearsome was his reputation. A fan favourite and beloved by his fellow players … Smith Hart, 68, oldest member of the famed Hart family of wrestling fame … Michael Bond, 91, author of the Paddington Bear children’s book series.