This is the blog we need right now

We all have little things that irk us, things that other, more normal people would never notice or care about. In my case, it’s lazy and/or stupid media blather.

I read and hear things on TV and in the news that cause my blood pressure, already in the ‘you might want to keep an eye on that’ zone to rise to the ‘get to a hospital NOW’ territory. Luckily for me (and my wife, who smiles sadly at my daily harangues) this blog has given me an outlet to vent. So, here are a few. You’ll agree with some, others you’ll never have noticed … but will now.

For instance, why do tributes always “pour in” when a famous person dies? Who judges what qualifies as pouring? Can’t tributes just trickle in? And what happens when nobody pays tribute? Will we ever hear “There was no reaction today to the passing of Joe Piscopo.” (Yes, I am aware that Joe Piscopo is still alive, but he’s a Trump supporter, so he’s as good as dead.)

Speaking of death, why does the media seek out family members to describe a recently deceased person? It’s always the same: the deceased was ‘full of life’, or ‘a loving and caring person’ or ‘a joy to be around’. It makes me think that death has it in for nice people, because only nice people die unexpectedly. Just once I’d like to read, “Family members describe him as ‘kind of unpleasant to be around’, while another said ‘it’s no great loss that he’s gone’. “ 

And why does anyone care what a rando on the street has to say about anything? Standard practice on TV news is for a reporter to conclude a report by saying “but not everyone agrees,” followed by clips of clueless people saying something that proves not everyone agrees. Of course, not everyone agrees! There is nothing, anywhere, that everyone agrees with anymore.

And aren’t we all tired of being told what we MUST watch or read? What happens if you don’t watch or read something a reviewer says you MUST watch? Will you be punished? Ostracized? Sent to prison for philistines?

And how is a book or movie something ‘we need right now?’ Unless it is a genuinely funny comedy — the rarest of entertainment commodities — there is nothing we need right now.

Then there’s the wild hyperbole of movie reviews. I read one review that promised that the film Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga would “shake your bones and steal your soul”. Geez, I’m still using my soul. I read another that promised that an obscure French art film would “change your metabolism”. I’ll pass. I’m perfectly happy with my metabolism, thank you.

Then there are magazines and newspapers that issue bold guarantees. I saw a recent cover of Esquire magazine that promised ‘Joel Kim Booster Will Make You Laugh’. I was tempted to watch a video of Joel Kim Booster to see if he would make me laugh (and to find out who the hell Joel Kim Booster was), but he wasn’t on a must-watch list, so I couldn’t.

Phew. I feel better now. Thank you so much for reading this must-read blog.