Four future Danielle Smith scandals

I don’t think anyone will disagree that Premier-for-now Danielle Smith has gotten off to a rocky start. If I may mix my metaphors, you might even say she blew up on the launch pad. Many of her problems stem from her work history as a newspaper columnist and, most recently, a radio talk show host. Her past babblings have given her opponents plenty of ammunition. And there is a lot more to come…

• The opposition NDP is demanding an explanation from Premier Danielle Smith for a security camera photo that appears to show the premier not wearing a mask inside a Wal-Mart store in 2021. 

“The premier is clearly displaying her complete disregard for COVID-19 health and safety measures,” said Sara Hoffman, the NDP’s indignation co-ordinator. “How can we trust someone so transparently evil?”

In a statement, the premier’s office said she was “standing up for the rights of all Wal-Mart shoppers not to be discriminated against,” and that “they had a great deal on potato chips at the time.”

• Despite her stated disdain for the Toronto Maple Leafs, Premier Danielle Smith was once a supporter of the hated team, the NDP had revealed.

At a press conference, NDP leader Rachael Notley displayed a page from Smith’s high school yearbook where she appears to have written ‘Go Leafs’ in a friend’s yearbook. 

“How can we trust a supporter of the Toronto Maple Leafs to run this province?” Notley said, indignation rising.

In a statement, the premier explained that she intended to write ‘Go Away, Leafs’, but forgot the ‘away’ word. “I have not been, nor ever have been, a Toronto Maple Leafs fan,” the statement said. “I will always be a Flames and/or Oilers fan, depending on which city I’m in.”

• Social media is in an uproar over revelations that Danielle Smith once stated that the moon landing was a hoax.

“There are no stars in the Apollo 11 ‘landing’ photos. How do you explain that?” said a caller who identified herself as ‘Danny’ Smith on an open-line radio show, ‘Crackpot Cavalcade’ from Florida radio station WGAB in 2002. The recording was unearthed by a 15-member team of researchers from the Alberta Union of Provincial Employees. The premier’s office issued a statement from Smith saying: “While the Premier has no recollection of ever making such a call, and has never been to Florida, she would still like to clarify that she firmly believes that the moon landing was probably not a hoax.” 

• Premier Danielle Smith has, at least once, purchased a bag of notoriously racist candy.

A report from the CBC’s Danielle Smith Investigation Unit uncovered a childhood friend who witnessed Smith buying a bag of licorice-flavoured, baby-shaped candies that went by a racist nickname derogatory of Black people. The CBC will not even refer to the slur, as several CBC reporters fainted upon hearing the word. The reporter who used the word has been assigned to sensitivity training.

The friend, who would not be identified for fear of retaliation from “licorice lovers”, said she was “shocked” and “horrified” when Smith, then 10 years old, bought the candies.

“I mean, have you ever had one of them?” the friend said. “They’re gross.”

In a statement, the premier said she never referred to the candy by its racist nickname, and despite public opinion, she still likes licorice.

In an apparent attempt to ward off future scandals, the premier admitted that she has, in the past, purchased Aunt Jamaima pancake mix and Uncle Ben’s rice, “but that was before they were racist”.