How much have you, or are you, spending on Valentine’s Day? If the Retail Council of Canada can be trusted (have they ever lied to us before?), the answer is, not much.
According to a survey by the council, 51% of Canadians who celebrate Valentine’s Day will spend less than fifty dollars this year, and only 39% of Canadians will “do something special” for Valentine’s Day. Or, put another, more telling, way, 53% of Canadians won’t do anything special (8% said they didn’t know, which I will take as a no). And 44% of us won’t even make a purchase for our loved ones, not even a bag of Valentine Jolly Ranchers.
Americans, by contrast, love Valentine’s Day. In 2023, they were expected to spend $192.80 on the day. And judging from their collective girth, my guess most of that $192.80 will be spent on chocolate.
Lest it sounds like Canadians are undemonstrative, tightfisted curmudgeons, let me just say that I take comfort in those numbers, and not just because I am an undemonstrative, tightfisted curmudgeon. We non-celebrants are standing up against the Valentine’s Industrial Complex, which is trying to shame us into buying useless trinkets or sappy cards that will go straight to the landfill, contributing to global warming, I assume.
Well, to borrow a phrase from another season, bah humbug I say.
I went to a Dollarama last week to check out the variety of Valentine’s merchandise available. The store has two full aisles of Valentine’s stuff. There was more red on those two aisles than at a May Day parade in the old Soviet Union.
Much of it had a non-existent brand name of ‘St. Valentine’. If I were a descendant of St. Valentine, I’d sue for royalties.
The St. Valentine products are entirely stuff in the ‘pre-garbage’ state, by which I mean it is used once, then tossed. If you want an excuse not to buy Valentine’s trinkets, consider the impact of this future garbage. It was all made in China, the evil Communist state, no doubt by subsistence wage workers in cramped factories, then shipped to Canada in carbon-spewing tankers, then sent to thousands of locations in carbon-spewing trucks. Think about what you’re doing for the environment by NOT buying Valentine’s stuff. (By the way, do not take this as a criticism of Dollarama. I love Dollarama. I bought some of its shares, coincidentally, on Feb. 14 last year at $79.10. Today, it’s more than $100. Thank you, Canada!)
Now, you may be saying, “Hey, you undemonstrative, tightfisted curmudgeon, you don’t have to buy something. You can do something nice for your wife, like take her out to dinner.” To that I say, why is it always the husband who has to make the gesture? Why can’t my wife take me out to dinner? And I’m a cheap date. Give me a Teenburger, with or without fries, and I’m happy.
To be clear, I am not anti-love. I am just opposed to being shamed into making a public statement of affection. I’m just more of a Hank Hill kind of guy, the hero of the great King of the Hill cartoon. One of the great sight gags in the show’s history was Hank’s wedding picture with his wife Peggy, where the two of them are pictured shaking hands. That’s enough, isn’t it? (I like that gag so much, I had my son and his wife recreate the scene at his wedding.)
But for those of you who insist on doing more today, might I suggest a trip to Dollarama? Bad for the environment, good for my portfolio. Thank you.
In This Corner 